Photo Checks
C'mon now, we can't print nude photos of your lover on your checks. That would be taking things a bit too far, don't you think? I am sure you would get a lot of attention at the grocery story or bank. I haven't seen the photo yet but by the looks of most folks around here, I think people might shrivel up their face and try to cover their eyes. It is probably not safe to do this sort of thing in public. Maybe you should just stick with the lifesize version you have hanging above your fireplace. What do visitors think when they come over for dinner? Are they able to keep their food down? Do they just stare? Do they comment? Do you have a pole, too? Sorry, I don't feel comfortable coming over for supper.
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You would be better off putting your children, dog, or cat on your checks. Well that is as long as your children are clothed and your pets are not. Yes, it is quite offensive to see clothed animals. You may think it is cute but what does the animal think? Probably that they are part of some sick game. You do realize they have fur and they have been regulating their own heat in the cold for thousands of years? Pretty sure they don't need your help and I am sorry, but they don't look cute. Do you look cute with a flea collor, leash, and muzzle? My guess is that you don't wake up to them trying to dress themselves in the strange garb you purchased for them. Maybe you should take that as a hint.
Oh for heaven's sake, you want a photo of yourself? Please tell me not in the nude. Just when I thought I had seen it all. What on earth is wrong with you? I would love your business but I think the money may be better spent on getting your head checked. Oh God, I thought the photo above your fireplace was of your lover. Say it isn't so. What do you do, just stare at it all night long into the wee hours of the morning? What does your Mom and Dad think when they come over to watch the grandkids? Do your kids take it to school for show and tell? I am extremely sorry for the inconvenience, but we are a very conservative company and cannot serve your needs.
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